My primary work at this stage in my life is in listening. The work of my early 20´s was not listening to myself, getting hurt in the process, making mistakes, and sabotaging myself over and over. The work of my mid 20´s (as I have seen so far) is listening to my intuition and the subtle messages that arrive each day telling me where to go, who to be and spend time with, what to do and how to do it in best service of earth´s ecosystems.

The work is in listening to everyone around me and discerning which narrative they are telling themselves, not taking things personally or seriously and above all not judging anyone for their choices. In listening to others my work is to ask brave questions if they are willing to go to deeper levels of understanding of their own behaviours, beliefs and patterns.

My work is in listening to the environment, connecting to nature and learning her stories so that I can translate them to those who may not have time to be observant, still or surrender. I see that through listening I am strengthening and living the belief that a more beautiful world is possible. By learning to listen, my ego is removed (as much as it can be) from the situation, making it easier to make love-based decisions and not impulsive ones based on fear or with motivations of control.

I see my role as a changemaker and bridge. I am a connector of ideas, places, and people, through the trust I build in my relationships, I often end up having a strong influence on outcomes and decisions without meaning to. Since becoming aware of this ability and thereby responsibility, I am keenly aware of how much or what advice I give. I can be a powerful force in movements of change because people trust what I say. In a meditation two years ago my purpose came to me as ¨empowering people and creating change¨, and I think that is a brilliant summation of my role.

I am a seer and can articulate what I see in ways that sometimes shocks, refreshes, and occasionally hurts others. The level of insight that I reach means my role is to share and give the correct dose of what I see to other people or project groups when the timing is right. I am often guided by my intuition on what to say, because it is useful and will be heard or taken on board by the other person, and what I shouldn´t say as the person/group need to learn for themselves and do not have capacity to listen or integrate the medicine I can give. When I am able to provide people with a mirror of their life, or the current process/system they are in, it initiates the journey for them on imagining things differently, or considering how they would like things to be.

In regard to the above some goals I have for this year are:
1. To start working for myself as a regenerative practitioner, storyteller and community weaver.
2. To finish the regenerative practitioner course and produce a 3rd sustainability report at Morphum.
3. I aim to move around and travel lots, going to where I feel fulfilled and am needed. Listening to my intution to tell me when to stay and when to go.
4. I aim to produce a poetry book which is an invitation for people to see my experience.

I find this question particularly hard to answer because I don´t think we are meant to be on a mission to grow, or at least maybe not in the way our consumerist and trauma insensitive society prescribes it to us.
I can´t say what my next areas for personal growth are as I have been going through confrontational and serious transformations since at least 2019. Some of these experiences happened through dance or other somatic experiences; more were in ceremonies or rituals; and some simply through reflection, therapy and conversations with loving friends. I now understand and perceive myself as a cyclical being in monthly process of life-death and rebirth. This means that each month I am conscious of what behaviours and patterns are dying in me through what is being reflected back to me in the external world. And each month there is a tipping point, somewhat of an emotional or mental breakdown/breakthrough, which is the painful rebirth and after this I reflect and integrate what I´ve learned into my day to day life.

So I could answer this question with concrete suggestions like a consequential exercise plan or commitment to do yoga every day and get out on a hike at least once every 2 weeks, but I haven´t because that feels more like a healthy habit or choice, and growth to me has come from dealing with my own trauma, my family´s, decolonising my mind, observing nature and plant medicines.

I have made my life a recipe for growth and I feel that I was called to do that. I have done this by going after big experiences and to extremes at a young age, such as moving alone to New Zealand when I was 18, and once I was finally settled I moved to Germany. Whatever our culture and society is processing on a meta scale seems to be stored and released in my body, it sometimes feels like I am a magnifying glass for transmuting pain.

If there is an area I will grow in this year, it will be sovereignty. That is my word for 2023 and it involves reclaiming my creative potential, sexuality and personal freedom.

My next arenas for professional growth are building a network of collaborators and clients, learning how to price what I do or make a living from it. I´d like to learn more about barter and new economies or business models. I have a lot of room to grow in terms of using frameworks and models which I can then use in projects and groups in my work. I also would like to think regeneratively and that is why I am doing this course.

I truly believe that the community of friends and family behind me, including those no longer on this earth, are the ones who have helped me get to where I am. The investment I have made of time, love and energy in being there for others has definitely been a huge part of the opportunities and support I have been given. I am an empathic person who loves to offer people my whole presence and I think this is a priceless investment of love in the world, which is reflected back to me in infinite ways.

I have invested a lot in learning energy healing, starting with reiki back in 2019 and now I mostly do intuitive healing on myself and friends. This has helped me to work at my best, keep my health and happiness high, and attracted some true miracles in my life. The shamanic path is something that I contemplate and think about a lot, and I think it is one I will take in a few more years.

I have invested a lot of time in reflecting and going to therapy to understand how I think, break systemic and family patterns, and decide which direction I want to go in now. The investment in living in different cultures and examining their worldviews has also not always been easy, but I think has given me a great ability to see behind what people say/do and learn their motivations.

I have been shaped in endless ways by people, organisations, institutions and landscapes I have spent time with. The things that stuck out to me, when thinking about this question were:
1. Horses – I spent a lot of time at the stables with horses from when I was 4 until I was 18. I had intense loving bonds with our own ponies Flossie and Sally, and many a riding school pony before them. Being around horses was my safe space and I learned to trust my intuition through them.
2. The moon – the moon has been there for me since before I could talk. I was always fascinated by the moon and seeing it as a child would make me ecstatic, I still remember the moment I first noticed it following me through the sky as mum drove us home from our cousin´s house. I meditate with the moon and receive guidance on life which is often harsh, but always true.
3. The ocean – the ocean has taught me about the interconnectedness of all living things. It has taught me how to relax in the vast, open uncertainty and endless possibilities of what my life or the world could be.
4. Irish culture – Growing up in Ireland taught me the value of community, strength in numbers, how important it is to help each other, to respect everyone no matter who they are or how much you like/dislike them, and to look after the land that cares for you.
5. Aotearoa (New Zealand) – taught me about the uniqueness of ecosystems and why it´s important to protect their diversity. Aotearoa introduced me to Te Ao Māori (the Maori worldview) and Mātauranga Māori (Maori knowledge, wisdom and science), allowing me to learn about an exquisitely holistic worldview. This is where I learned about decolonisation, became an activist and innovator.
6. Directors at Morphum – Dean & Caleb, who are my bosses, have taught me about business, given me the backing and confidence to chase my dreams, made me unafraid to be weird or stand out, and upskilled me hugely in my understanding of environmental engineering and water systems.
7. Clarissa Pinkola Estes – Author of ¨Women who run with the wolves¨, this book has taught me more than my own mother has about the wild, creative life of women, our cyclical nature, and how to respect myself and the environment.
8. Danial Christian Wahl and Charles Eisenstein are two people who inspire me in the regeneration/sustainability/systems change community. I love writing and find so much meaning in both of their words. They also play a role in shaping the language that I use when talking about these themes.
9. Teertha Ordish is a Shaman who lives in Ireland and she guided me through the most terrifying and beautiful experience of my life. She has been important in helping to ground me and being there for my integration process following ceremony.
10. Business degree at the University of Auckland - I think it has been vital for me to have an understanding of how the financial and economic system works, and to learn how business can be a vehicle for change and positive impact.

Humans protect, create and honour life. Our role is to look after the guardians of the forest, oceans, rivers, mountains, deserts, and all natural landscapes. We are here to allow the divine to emerge through us: in our food, the experiences we share, the art and music we create, homes we build… We are here to vision, journey and dream, to be in communication with the universe and consciously co-create our lives in communion with the natural world.

I think my philosophy on life comes through in this collection of my poems:

Flow

Flow is the synchronicity of energy in the cosmos between all living things
We co-exist in a stream of universal energy that has no end or beginning,
flowing inside and through everyone into the external world,
a world where perception is the reality we can´t rely on but can live in
because flow means trust
It means softening to obstacles, being flexible,
surrendering to the unknown
being present in the process of change and moving.
So much movement
It is both loud and quiet, rhythmic and still, bubbling and pooling, surging and swirling,
It is the exploration of new identities, ideas and feelings.
Flow is about releasing attachments, letting go of materialism and fear of losing things
We are interconnected by abundance and
Flow is navigating our path without intruding, expecting, or assuming the way.
In this state love is infinite, pouring from all living things
Dance in the rain
Sing in the sunshine
Bathe in the earth
Be here in this life
Breathe
Flow

Forest

I met myself in the forest,
in a present, loving embrace
meandering through the cicadian rhythm
a stream of consciousness flowing,
unfolding, cycling, recycling, telling and told at nature’s pace.

Crying at the river

I saw my life as the river.
My life flowing forward with no choice but to be fully present for it.
There are people and places we leave behind,
But that sadness is fleeting and water washes away all pain
No matter where you are.
The sun always warms you no matter where you stand.
The water was light filled and happy,
Springing over rocks and smoothly splashing back on itself,
Pooling in crevices and trickling down slopes.
Every drop mesmerising and blending into one magical picture of beauty, serenity and flow.

Limitless

There is no difference in worth or value between who you are and who you could be. There is no extra happiness to be found. We don´t change who we are, but we learn to behave in ways that reflect the world we want to live in. We all contain worlds inside of us and if we want to live in a healthy external world, we must first tend to our inner worlds. We each possess all the powerful emotions, talents, thoughts and energies. There are no limits to human potential, at least I don’t believe in them.
We limit ourselves by defining who we are with language that simply can’t entertain the faintest idea of who we could be.

Manifest
Chaotic but cosmically aligned.
Death brings life.
Despair breeds new levels of consciousness and light.
Regression is necessary for evolution.
The universe is one being manifested through countless forms of life,
every life form is a temporary expression
The creation of the world is never finished

Wisdom

Like trees we are always being pulled in two directions.
We are called to rise and to grow but we are also asked
to be rooted and grounded in what we know as the truth of our soul.
We must be stretched to create space in between,
like how we have pushed the space between night and day
allowed life to come through us
And so it is our vessels that occupy this space
between groundedness and realness and tangibility
and the higher realm of sacred divinity.
The wisdom of the earth is in me,
so too is the sacredness of the sky.
I alone was never true,
because everywhere I go there is
separation and togetherness,
travelling towards and travelling away from,
being with and being without.

Perspective

I think it is silly of me to even think in the first place. Language can’t comprehend the subtle loss and existential stress we endure and expose ourselves under long periods of separateness from earth, creation, centre, our core. The things that make us more ourselves than anything else, the blood that has been spilt and songs sung, wars won, hair braided and embroidered in dusky clouds of her. All of her. Feast. Pray. Surrender. Breathe. The elemental miracle of experience. That’s all you get. That’s it. And if you are here for more or longing or desiring or expecting and thinking you deserve different then get to the end of your life and tell me who you would have been differently.
This journey belongs to each and every one of us. We have a story that is our own but that connects, intersects and weaves us through, in, between and alongside the lives of others, and the entire collective. By flowing in love and showing up for myself each day the whole vibration of others changes and incrementally we evolve together, cosmically aligned and attuned though things often seem chaotic.
Without acknowledging the past and honouring it’s pain we cannot move to a future where it’s effects or occurrences are no longer present. Everything is worth remembering, even the bad as it can be released into the earth and rebirthed into new life.

Ayahuasca

My body melted away and the fabric of the universe was me
and everyone who has ever lived.
We are divine, pure, light filled beings
who were never meant to do anything but feel, create and love.
Trust your body.
This place.
The people.
The process.
Trust.
You can´t claim to know love without trust.
Trust in the miracle of earth, this life.
You know who you are when you can see
Everything you are not

I am not what has happened to me.
I am not this system or these ideals.
I am not these distractions, highs or lows.
I am everything that ever was, is and will be
I see. I see. I see.